You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
