i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
