then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
