Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
