Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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