We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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