roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
