It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
