My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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