I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
honey bunches of taint.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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