I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize