why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
