Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
