Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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