If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
