he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
