Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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