Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
