Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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