Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
