We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
