I'm passing your future prison.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sext me about skeletons
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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