This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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