Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Randomize
