awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
