So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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