I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
