Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
