Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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