living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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