Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
