I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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