I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
