obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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