I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
