I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
