dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
