these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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