i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
