Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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