Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
