so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
