If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
