I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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