I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
