Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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