there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
