just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
