I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My ass is underappreciated
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
