just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
