I think my vagina is haunted
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
