Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
