I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
