mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
