he shaved USA in his pubs
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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