too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
