her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize