ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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