btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
