Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
