I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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