absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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