The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
well you can't waste a boner
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
