why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize