where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
