I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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