I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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