i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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