Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
