You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
