You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
