i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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