I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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