i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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