I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Shame - the story of my life.
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