We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
