His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
