Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
