i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I want to fling myself into the sun
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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